The Weakest Link - Anime Style
by Lady Aishiteru
Summary: The five pilots of Gundam Wing, as well as three other anime characters, compete in "The Weakest Link," to find out who's a few pickles shy of a barrel.
1. Round One

The Weakest Link - Anime Style

**_The Weakest Link - Anime Style_** Round One

Author's Note: Okay, time for the standard list of things I don't own. I don't own Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo or The Weakest Link. For those of you unfamiliar with Fushigi Yuugi, Ashitare is a werewolf/wolf...at least I think he is. I've only gotten to the 8th anime tape and vol. 4 manga - give me a break, okay?

~*~The Players~*~  
Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing  
Quatre Raberba-Winner, Gundam Wing  
Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing  
Wufei Chang, Gundam Wing  
Ashitare, Fushigi Yuugi  
Serena Tsukino, Sailor Moon  
Washyuu, Tenchi Muyo  
Trowa Barton, Gundam Wing

~*~The Hostess~*~  
Anne Robinson

Anne: Hello, and welcome to The Weakest Link. I'm your host, Anne Robinson. With us tonight are - 

Heero: Heero Yuy, Perfect Soldier.

Quatre: Quatre Raberba-Winner, CEO of Raberba-Winner Enterprises.

Duo: Duo Maxwell, God of Death, at your service.

Wufei: Chang Wufei, martial arts master, purveyor of justice.

Ashitare: _scratches ear with foot._

Serena: Serena Tsukino, Sailo-...erm...Neo Q.....ah, Princess-

Washyuu: Don't strain yourself.

Serena: _sticks out tongue_

Anne: Maybe you'd like to give someone _else_ the chance to interrupt, hmm?

Washyuu: Washyuu, the greatest genius scientist in the universe!  
_One mini-Washyuu appears on each one of her shoulders_  
Mini Washyuu A:Yes, you are the greatest, Washyuu!  
Mini Washyuu B: The best! Yea!

Trowa:..............................

Anne: _clears throat_

Wahyuu: Trowa, I think she's talking to you.

Trowa: _mumbling_ Aphaxysad.....

Anne: Right. _fumbles through cards_ Trowa Barton, mechanic.

Quatre: _smacks forehead_

Anne: Now, let's play....The Weakest Link!

_cue dramatic music, flashy lighting_

Anne: For $50, how many sides to a cube?

Heero: Relena.

Anne: Wrong. Six. Quatre - 

Quatre: Bank!

Anne: What are the three primary colors?

Quatre: Red, yellow and....pink!

Anne: Wrong. Red, yellow and _blue._   
Wufei, what ancient Chinese weapon was carried only by samurais?

Wufei: Justice!

Anne: Wrong. Katana.  
Duo -

Quatre: BANK!

Anne: It's not your turn.  
Duo, what color absorbs all light and reflects none?

Duo: _looks down_ Black! 

Anne: Correct.  
Trowa - 

Quatre: BANK!

Anne: Trowa, what was the name of the protagonist in Moby Dick?

Trowa:.......................

Anne: Ishmael. Moving on, Ashitare - 

Ashitare: BARK!

Anne: Bank?

Ashitare:.......

Anne: Who was the writer of the novel White Fang?

Ashitare: _bites into one of Serena's odangos_

Serena: Ow! Quit it!

Ashitare: _tugs on odango_ Grrrrrrrr!

Washyuu: _mimes pulling an imaginary ball out of the air._  
You want the ball? Want the ball?

Ashitare:_looks on with extreme interest_

Washyuu: Go get it! _Washyuu throws "ball," and Ashitare runs offstage to chase it._

Anne: Serena - 

Quatre: BANK!

_Heero gives Quatre patented Death Glare_

Quatre: Eeep! I'll be good!

Trowa: _shakes head_

Anne: Serena, what is the capitol of Russia?

Serena: Ummmm....Moscow?

Anne: Correct.  
Washyuu -

Washyuu: BANK! _ glares triumphantly at Quatre_

Quatre: _pouts_

Anne: For $300 - 

Washyuu: The answer is Normandy, France.

Anne: _blinks_ That's...correct.

Mini Washyuu A: Yeah!  
Mini Washyuu B: You RULE, Washyuu!

Anne: Quatre - 

Quatre: What?

Anne: _sighs_ Nevermind. How many letters are in the English word antidisestablishmentarianism?

Quatre: 3!

Anne: Wrong. 28.  
Trowa - 

Quatre: BA-

_Heero switches safety off gun_

Quatre: eh heh heh....

Anne: Trowa, how many decibels are in an average whisper?

Trowa: ...................

_Ashitare returns with a red ball_

BUZZ!

Anne: Time's up. Well, let's see who the least likely rocket scientist among you is, hmmm? Time to vote for.....The Weakest Link!

_Announcer: Statistically speaking, Serena, Washyuu and Duo are the strongest links. The weakest link is Ashitare, who was not present for the majority of the round._

Heero: Zechs.

Quatre: Bank!

Duo: Wufei.

Wufei: INJUSTICE!

Ashitare: Awoooooo!

Serena: Ashitare _glares at Ashitare and attempts to wipe slobber from odango_

Washyuu: Wufei.

Trowa:....................

Anne:_mumbling_ Who booked these idiots anyways?  
Well, Wufei, you have been voted the weakest link. Goodbye!

_backstage_  
Wufei: This whole thing reeks of injustice! I mean, Ashitare isn't even human! This thing's rigged! And another thing-

Anne: Well, as much as we'd LOVE to hear your gums flapping for the remainder of the hour, we must move on. Round two will continue after these messages.

Lady A: Well, that's it for Round One. Goodbye!


	2. Round Two

**__**

The Weakest Link - Anime Style 

Round Two 

Author's Note: Okay, time for the standard list of things I don't own. I don't own Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo or The Weakest Link. For those of you unfamiliar with Fushigi Yuugi, Ashitare is a werewolf/wolf...at least I think he is. I've only gotten to the 8th anime tape and vol. 4 manga - give me a break, okay? 

~*~The Players~*~  
Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing  
Quatre Raberba-Winner, Gundam Wing  
Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing  
Ashitare, Fushigi Yuugi  
Serena Tsukino, Sailor Moon  
Washyuu, Tenchi Muyo  
Trowa Barton, Gundam Wing

~*~The Hostess~*~  
Anne Robinson

__

Narrator: The story thus far - Wufei has been voted The Weakest Link for Round One. Everyone else is in one piece...except Serena, who is missing a chunk of hair, and Washyuu had a slight case of mutiple personality disorder and was never in one piece to begin with.

Mini Washyuu A: That's not true!

Mini Washyuu B: Washyuu is as sane as sane can be!

Narrator: Right. Moving on....seven out of eight contestants are left.

Anne: Time for Round Two of...The Weakest Link! You have a grand total of $450 out of a possible $50,000 from the last round. Heero, why are you called "The Perfect Soldier?" You're about as intelligent as a car jack on a submarine!

Heero: _raises gun_ Omae o korosu.

Anne: What?

Wufei: _yells from backstage_ It means "I will kill you," you stupid Woman!

Anne: _huffily_ Well, that was uncalled for! Let's play! 

We'll start with $1,000 and see where you can take it from there. 

Heero, where was the first Krispy Kreme built?

Heero: L1 colony.

Anne: Wrong. Paducha, Kentucky. 

Quatre-

Quatre: _looks nervously at Heero_ Um...bank!

Anne: Who was the American President at the end of the Vietnam war?

Quatre: Um.....Trieze?

Anne: Wrong. Richard Nixon. Duo - 

Duo: Hey, babe!

Anne: _sighs_ How many vowels are in the Hebrew alphabet?

Duo: 35, 20, 27!

Serena: Hey! Those are my measurements!  


Duo: _grinning deviously_ Are they now........

Mamoru: Hey! How the hell did you find out my woman's measurements?! _grabs Duo's collar_

Duo: Eh heh heh heh......can't we all just get along?

Hilde: Why are you going around doing other woman's measurements?! _drags Duo by his braid_

Duo: Hey! Watch the haiiiiiiiiir!

Serena: _mumbles _He said he was the "costume director........."

Washyuu: Idiot.

Anne: Back to the question at hand.... the answer is zero.

Ashitare - 

Ashitare: Ruff!

Anne: What French Monarch was known as "The Sun King?"

__

Washyuu dangles shiny object while Ashitare follows it with his eyes. 

Anne: The answer is Louis the - 

Ashitare: _jumps up at Washyuu's arm_

Washyuu: Get it off me! Get it off me!

Anne: Louis the 14th.

Trowa - 

Trowa: BANK!

Anne: _blinks_ He spoke! He actually spoke!

Anyways, where are the cigarettes?

Trowa:.......................................

Serena: Um, there's no smoking in-

Anne: THERE IS NOW!

Serena: Eep!

Anne: Serena, in Greek mythology, who is the goddess of the moon?

Serena: Artemis!

Anne: Correct. Washyuu -

Washyuu: OH. GOD, THE PAIN! THE PAIN!

  
Mini Washyuu A: It hurts!

Mini Washyuu B: It hurts!  


BUZZ! 

Anne: That sound means we're out of time. _mumbles _Thank God....... 

Time to vote for The Weakest Link!

Narrator: Since Serena is the only one to have gotten her question right, she is statistically the strongest link. Since Duo left in the middle of the round, he is the weakest link.

Heero: _gives everyone the patented Death GlareTM_

Quatre: He-I mean...ah...Duo?

Ashitare: _tugs on Washyuu's arm _

Serena: Duo! That guy's a pervert! 

Washyuu: I've lost too much blood! Someone get me an IV! 

Mini Washyuu A: Blood!

Mini Washyuu B: Blood!

Trowa: ............................

Anne: Well, it looks like Duo's been voted The Weakest Link. Goodbye!

Narrator: Um...Anne...he's not here....

__

from backstage

Duo: Come on, babe! It was just a joke!

Hilde: Jerk!

Mamoru: _raises steel-tipped rose......_

Duo: Eeep!!

Anne: _mutteing _Time for my smoke break. Stay tuned for Round Three of...The Weakest Link!

Lady A: That's it for Round Two. Who will survive in Round Three? Don't touch that dial, kiddies!


	3. Round Three

The Weakest Link - Anime Style: Round 3

**_ The Weakest Link - Anime Style  
by [Lady Aishiteru][1]  
Round Three_** Author's Note: Okay, time for the standard list of things I don't own. I don't own Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo or The Weakest Link. For those of you unfamiliar with Fushigi Yuugi, Ashitare is a werewolf/wolf...at least I think he is. I've only gotten to the 8th anime tape and vol. 4 manga - give me a break, okay? 

~*~The Players~*~ Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing  
Quatre Raberba-Winner, Gundam Wing  
Ashitare, Fushigi Yuugi  
Serena Tsukino, Sailor Moon>  
Washyuu, Tenchi Muyo  
Trowa Barton, Gundam Wing 

~*~The Hostess~*~  
Anne Robinson

_Narrator: Last round, Duo was voted The Weakest Link. Security is currently attempting to separate Ashitare from Washyuu's forearm, with little success. As of five minutes ago, out hostess has taken up smoking._

Anne: _cough_ Heer-  
_looks nervously at Heero, who has that "mission accepted" look in his eye._  
O?  
_pulls out self-detonator switch (AN: I think we all knew THAT was coming!)_  
Eh heh heh.......nevermind. Time for Round Three of.....The Weakest Link! You have banked a _pathetic_-

_Heero puts thumb on detonator switch_  
Anne: I mean...._lucrative_......$1,000- _looks at Heero_ I mean, $20,000!  
Now, Heero, if Bart Simpson of the hit American cartoon The Simpsons had aged normally, how old would he be?

Heero: 22.

Anne: Correct. Quatre-

Quatre: BANK!

Anne: What does "DNA" stand for?

Quatre: Don't kNow, Anne?

Anne: Wrong. Deoxyribonucleic acid.  
Serena - 

Serena: DEPOSIT!

Anne: That's "bank." What civil war general went on to be an American President?

Serena: Endymion?

Anne: Wrong. Ulysses S. Grant.  
Washyuu -

Washyuu: OW! IT HURTS!  
_someone throws a steak into the contestant area, and Ashitare lets go_  
YESSS! 

Ryoko: NOBODY gets to mess with Washyuu but ME!

Anne: _smacks forehead_ Washyuu, what is pi?

Washyuu: 3.14285714285714285714285714285714-

Anne: Um....correct. Ashitare -

_finishes steak and circles around Anne_

Anne: Who played the female lead in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?

Ashitare: _raises leg_

Anne: Nooooo! That mongrel peed on my leg!

Washyuu: Ha ha!

Anne: Trowa, what spreadable condiment is often found in bombs?

Quatre: Peanut butter!

Anne: Although that is correct, it's not your turn.

Quatre: _sulks_

Anne: Heero, what does the French phrase "omlet du fromage" mean in standard English?

Heero: My pants are too tight.

Anne: Wrong. "Cheese omlette." Quatre - 

*BUZZ!*

Anne: Oh, that means we're out of time. _snaps fingers_ Darn! Let's select The Weakest Link!

Heero: I'm serious. They're tight!

Quatre: Heero! THERE! I said it! Besides, that was waaaay too much information!

Ashitare: AwoooooOOOOOOOOOO!

Serena: Heero.

Washyuu: Ashitare.

Trowa: .................

Anne: Well, Heero, looks like you're The Weakest Link. Good-

Heero: Mission - COMPLETED!  
_Heero presses self-detonation switch_

KA-BOOM!

_ Later....._  
Anne: _wearily_ Well, that's all we have time for tonight. Tune in next week where I'll be locked up in a padded cell. Goodnight, everyone.

Quatre: Waitaminit! We never found out who The Weakest Link is!

Trowa: YOU are! Now be quiet! My head hurts like hell!

Washyuu: Owie!  
Mini Washyuu A: It hurts!  
Mini Washyuu B: The pain!

Heero: MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!_ Wing Zero flies by with all the money in it _

Relena: HEERO! _ she runs after Wing Zero_

Ashitare: _ sees the sunlight and turns into a human_(AN: He IS a werewolf, ne?) Where am I? Who are you? Why am I wearing a flea collar?

Anne: God, I need a vacation....

THE END (thank God!) Lady A: I thought about adding more rounds....nah. Later!

_cue dramatic music_

   [1]: mailto:lady_aisheteru@hotmail.com



End file.
